Nico

Today, my little brother Nico turned 15 years old.  I can barely believe it!*  He is the youngest of our siblings, and I am the eldest.  We have a 9 year age gap.  Despite this, we're incredibly close.  I am so proud of the man he is turning into.  Despite his joking remarks, and digs at the family (we're the funny ones- him with his great one-liners, and me with my sarcasm)- he has an incredible heart.  When anyone in the family is feeling hurt or broken, he's our protector.  He'll hug me when I'm crying, or just spend time with me on the couch, keeping me company.  He's also learning a sense of responsibility and family- when I visit home, I see him offering to help with the house work and yard work without the nagging of my mother.  He's learning to mow the lawn, use the grill, and take an equal share of what it takes to keep a household running (somewhat) smoothly.  Also- he makes me laugh like no other.  In so many ways, we are alike and it closes the age gap a bit.  We'll hole up in his room for hours, him strumming the guitar, singing with me.  When he was a bit younger, we used to have sister-brother dates, and he wasn't as embarrassed by me as he is now.  We would go for a movie, or ice cream, and having that time just the two of us was really special.  I really cherish our time together.  Now he is taller and stronger than me, but his heart grows with him.  He checks in with me now and again, sending me sweet texts with a million emojis.  I'm incredibly lucky to have him for a little brother.

Happy birthday Nico, may all your wishes come true <3

*I wanted to say 'holy crap!' but my mom loathes that I use this turn of phrase because, as she insists, 'crap isn't holy!'

Things I'm Good At

beer + trivia with Prestyn = awesome way to spend an evening

• Leaving my glasses all over the office. Everyday. In my boss' office, my co-worker's desk, on top of the scanner. Everywhere.
• Laughing the loudest at the movie theater.  Especially in moments where no one else is laughing.
• Having crushes on inappropriate men.
• Losing SD cards.  They disappear like socks in the dryer, which sucks when I want to use my camera.
• Blurting out embarrassing things about myself.  Mostly in front of cute guys that make me nervous.
• Finding the best greeting card to suit the person who receives it.  Just trust me on this one.  Or ask my mom.
• Embarrassing my younger siblings by tagging them in pictures they hate.  Oh, I believe this actually applies to everyone in my family (I don't buy it, but it's what I'm told).
• Listening to a new music album for days or weeks in a row without getting sick of it.
• Loving people quickly.  Not a romantic love.  When I bring new people into my life, I care about them a heckuva lot right away.  I know it's weird.
• Sarcasm
• Cooking pork chops.  I know it's not hard, but it's my go-to meal, and the first real meal I learned how to cook when I was young.
• Being uncoordinated.  I frequently walk into doorways, trip, fall, stumble, drop things...I'm one of the least graceful and poised people I know (but being the best of the worst is something, I think).

Happiness

Last night I went to the Auld Dubliner in Long Beach for trivia with Prestyn

This last weekend, I was in the pool in my parents' backyard, hanging out with my brother, and felt so joyful.  It was a great feeling to be outside enjoying the California sunshine with someone I really love, just giggling and doing nothing.  I felt like I could never imagine being sad again, and everything lately has led me to know and live my life knowing that happiness is a choice.  It does not depend on how far I've reach a goal or how many or few obstacles I've encountered, or where I am.  My own happiness depends on me only, absolutely no one else.  Not what they do or don't do or say to me.  It's a choice I must make, every day, every moment.

Now I know this all seems so basic. Common sense.  However, it's something that can be so easy to forget. I can get bogged down by the little things, especially since I live alone.  I spend so much time in my head, and when you don't talk about things out loud and share the burden, they can feel heavier or more complicated than they actually are...or maybe that's just me.  I'm a bit of an over-analyzer by nature, and have the tendency to take things a bit too personally.  The good thing is that being aware of this makes it easier.

I have no reason to complain about life.  I have a steady job, my health, a family I adore, and a handful of other people in my life who truly care about me.  Everything else just doesn't matter.

Simba

My buddy Ricky adopted the most beautiful dog this last weekend, whom he has named Simba.  I came over yesterday to meet the pup (3 years old but I'm annoying and call every dog a pup).  I had to post these because what person doesn't love pictures of cute dogs? (serial killers, that's who)
Also, he has what I call Kate Bosworth eyes - yes, I know it's really called Heterochromia iridium (no I didn't, I googled it)

 

A Farewell Dinner

It is the misfortune of our parish that our dearest Father Mike is leaving our parish, and transferring to one in San Clemente.  He has been such a big part of our lives this last decade, and in many ways, made our family who they are.  He has shaped us by introducing beautiful people into our lives, other families that feel like blood to me- women who are now my mom's best friends.  Father Mike has always been strong in his convictions, and always a great ear to listen.  His sense of humor matches that of my quirky family, and we've very much enjoyed and cherished the time he has spent in Yorba Linda.

The pictures below are from my parents' home.

Stephanie & Cheryl

my baby Sam enjoying the good weather

my dad teaching my little brother (Nico) how to grill

there's always bees in the lavender bush

our plumeria plant is about the size of a proper tree

gourmet coleslaw

my favorite flowers in the backyard

scallops to change your life

Father Mike!

perfect day for dinner outside

conversation by candlelight

The Art of Wallowing

a photo from a rainy drive in Sweden

There are times, which are thankfully becoming increasingly infrequent, in which the desire to wallow overcomes me.  Suddenly all those little things I told myself that I could push away and overcome compile into one big hurt.

Predictably, as soon as I realized I wanted to wallow, I felt ashamed.  Feeling sorry for myself is something I've been trying to overcome, something I reflected on quite a bit after my experience in Sweden.  I was thinking about it, and wondered how my mother handled this same feeling.  However, I realized I've never seen her in such a state.  She is one of the most selfless people I've ever encountered.  As a mother, wife, and friend, she puts everyone else first.  She does this even if it means sacrificing her own wants and needs, her time, or her sleep.  Honestly, she takes everything in stride and can't seem to fathom feeling or doing something that isn't productive.  Being young and independent, my first thought is often myself which is somewhat normal but still incredibly selfish- and something I want to change.  I aspire to be more like my kind mother.

Then, the perfect song came on which gave me some comfort.  Jason Mraz's "Life is Wonderful"

It takes some work to make it work, it takes some good to make it hurt, it takes bad for satisfaction. 

While I may suffer some emotional hits at times...it makes the rest of life that much sweeter.  Life isn't a competition to stay at equilibrium, it's messy and complicated.  One must savor the downs as much as the ups to really experience life and to learn from it.  Also, I learned that fudgsicles make being heart-sick seem a little less bad (just try it).

Julie & Stephanie

One of my favorite families came over to my parents' house for dinner: the Smiths (although our beloved Carissa was away).  I love spending time with Cheryl and Shannon them because they are all about love, fun, and faith.  They truly feel like family to me, and are the most genuine, sweetest, goofiest people you will ever meet.  Luckily for me, their daughter Julie agreed to let me snap a few pictures of her before dinner, and my usual model posed for me a bit too (my sister Stephanie).  They are two very gorgeous young women and it was really lovely to be able to spend the day with them.

Embracing My Youth

my living room (I don't turn on the lights until I absolutely have to)

It's been nearly a year since I left Sweden, and it feels like a lifetime away.  When I moved back to California, everything changed.  I had to start all over.  This was not necessarily a bad thing, but it was scary as heck.  You make plans, entwine your life with someone else's, and form a clear picture of how everything will go.  I thought I had it all figured out.  A wedding date.  The year we would start trying to have children.  Trips we would take.  Somehow I found myself all alone, with nothing (literally- I had no car, no place of my own, no job).  I've taken this opportunity to embrace all the possibilities of life.

It's kind of great feeling knowing that I'm young and I still have so much to learn about life, and myself.  I can look forward to trying new things, and experiences I may not have had if I stayed in Sweden or if I got married this year.  It's a relief to know that I have time to make stupid mistakes, and that I don't have to be tied down to any kind of life.  I don't need to have all the answers right now.  My entire life has felt like a rush to grow up (my mother can attest to this), and for the first time, I'm realizing I can have something different- I can be someone different.

Moving to a new city has been wonderful and full of anxiety.  Making new friendships has been amazing - I've met some genuine, funny, and smart people who I can feel at ease with.  People who will go on adventures with me or lie around all day, doing nothing in particular.  I'm incredibly blessed.  I'm taking this time to try new things.  I'm especially concerned with embracing my youth, and learning how to be completely on my own (which includes living by myself).  I quite like it so far.

Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook

This little hiking area has sort of become my "spot" with my friend Ricky even though we've only been there a handful of times. I enjoy going there because it gives me the chance to be active while also being outside (but be warned: parking sucks, and it's likely you'll have to cross a very busy street to get there- unless you choose to pay for parking, which no one does).  Hetzler's Stairs of Hell (not my name) gets your heart pounding, but it's worth it- once you get to the top, you have views of all of LA: Downtown, Hollywood, Century City, all the way to the coastline.  I love that this little hiking spot is one my commute to work, and I think I will be going there a lot this summer (especially since my gym is closed for renovations next week).  Without further ado:

starting at the bottom

It doesn't look like much, but I promise it'll get you sweating

sweet graffiti "I am your king...and you are my queen"

Ricky!

Downtown LA as seen from the last plateau before reaching the top

The top!

view of Century City

Downtown LA from the top

I thought this group of kids looked sweet

Ricky checking out the view