A Romantic Life

Life is, in general, decidedly unromantic. It's full of dirty dishes, long days and difficult choices. It's made up of stressful work days, accidents, and lots and lots of lines. 

That's why I choose to savor the romantic parts of life. It's why I have intimate conversations with my uber drivers - talking about their passions, their dreams, and why the ended their marriages. A deeply personal conversation with someone I will likely never, ever see again. I always appreciate a fleeting moment. 

People watching is immensely enjoyable: reunions at the baggage carousel at the airport, guessing which number date people are on in dimly lit restaurants, and parents laughing with their children. Somehow feeling like a small part of their lives by simply being a witness for a single scene. 

I will always be in awe watching fireworks at Disneyland - synced perfectly to music. Pure magic in the evening air. 

One of my favorite ways to spend a weekend morning is watching the sun rise over the ocean, chasing it down PCH; the waves dotted with surfers and the smell of salt. 

The way the warmth of a fire during pounding rain makes me feel lucky to exist. The glow of twinkle lights and candles is an unceasing source of happiness and contentment.  

I adore playing my favorite sad album on the record player; bringing forth happy, wonderful, and painful memories of people who aren't a part of my life anymore. 

I treasure the thick tension that exists in the seconds before a first kiss and making eye contact across the room with a stranger. 

I find romance in the heartbreak. A relationship ending forces me to reflect on the blessings that were once there: a best friend - someone who knew me deeper than anyone else. Hours spent in laughter and quiet understanding. The dozens or hundreds of sunsets we shared. Gifts given, surprises planned, and embraces shared after personal victories and trying arguments. Mourning the loss of a future planned that will never exist. Remembering that I felt love and gave love and the possibility that I will have that again. 

This is why I'm unashamed by how excited I get over small, insignificant things - almond lattes, an acquaintance remembering a small detail about me, or when a friend unexpectedly comes over on a hard day. I hope I never lose my enthusiasm for being overly sentimental about nothing in particular. 

Goodbye, 2015

2015 was quite the year for me:

I had my heart broken.  I grew in my faith.  I finished paying off my student loans (!).  I was put under more pressure at work than I've ever experienced and branded a new company.

I learned to be gentle with myself.  I finally reached a point where I am able to let go of the things I cannot control, instead of pouring energy into them.  I've adjusted my attitude and perspective so that my first thought is to approach someone with understanding instead of taking everything personally.

I've dealt with rejection and deep sadness.  I've formed and strengthened friendships with many beautiful souls.  I've lost count of the amount of times I've laughed so hard that my stomach hurt.  I cuddled with Fitzgerald hundreds of times.

I visited Scotland. Vegas. Big Bear. Palm Desert.  Healdsburg.

I attended my first (country) music festival.  I went to my first opera.  I moved and started living on my own again.  I took pictures and more pictures and more pictures after that (and sold more in my online store than I ever have).  I went to museums and more concerts than I can count at tiny venues, beaches, shopping centers, arenas, schools and more.  I spent countless sunrises at the beach.  I replaced my record player and upgraded my bedroom furniture.

I ate dozens of oysters.  Attended a t.v. awards show.  Drank a million cups of tea and coffee and wine.  Hosted a bar crawl.  Attended multiple podcast recordings (and listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts).  Mailed lots of snail mail.  Attended church retreats.  Prayed the rosary dozens of times. Attended Adoration.  Read lots of books.  I finally opened a retirement account and a second savings account.

I started to appreciate the pieces of me that make me who I am.  I've loved fiercely.  I went to the gym more than I ever have.  I spent time with family.  I went to Disneyland again and again as well as baseball games, basketball games, and hockey games.  I took public transportation in LA for the first time.

I feel so blessed to have such a good life and to be surrounded by so many amazing, lovely people.

Bring it on, 2016.

10 AM Gare du Nord

This post was originally written September 9, 2013

I spent my last week falling hard for a lovely Scottish man.  We only had five days together but are both so sure of our feelings, which I realize sounds insane.  At the same time, I'm at a time in my life where I've had enough romantic experiences, and know myself well enough, to know what I want and who is good for me.

He makes me laugh.  He makes me feel like I can share every part of myself with him.  Oddly enough, we met at a bar (I honestly didn't think it was possible to meet a decent human being at a bar) - one just a block away from me.  I had walked over with a fairly large group of friends, as we had just been indulging in Moscow Mules at our housewarming party and needed to move to a bigger space.  Tired, I sat on a stool to relax and a man with a lovely smile sat down next to me.  Next thing I knew, we had spent half the night talking.  We walked out together when the bar closed and I ached at the thought of him leaving me.  He proclaimed that he couldn't leave me just yet, and we walked back to my place with the rest of my friends.  As everyone else settled in for the night, we spoke for hours - until the sun rose!  In the glow of my copper lamp, and while listening to likes of 'Keaton Henson' on the record player, we talked and talked and talked.  We spoke about our lives, our families, our interest, ourselves.

I had never felt so strongly for someone so quickly.  In the span of a few hours, I felt weirdly comfortable with him, like I had known him for at least a decade.  After some intermittent napping, and more conversations, our group headed out for brunch.  I was surprised by how normal it felt to spend time with him, to hold hands under the table, and give each other knowing smiles.  I know that my friends were surprised - I was putting my head on the shoulder of a man I hardly knew!  Late that afternoon, I drove him back to his hostel (after getting lost numerous times) and before we parted, we agreed we had to see each other again.  Keep in mind this was early Sunday evening...and he was leaving on Wednesday.

A couple hours later, I nervously texted him letting him know my roommate, best friend and I would like to join his friends out for a night out on the town.  Upon seeing each other again, we were giggly and awkward and it was wonderful.  After about five minutes, we settled into being together and shared a kiss that I had been just about dying for.  The escapades that night were random - our group traveled to a couple different bars and just generally had a fun evening.  My English roommate was happy to have someone British around - she used quite a few colloquialisms I didn't recognize.  When sharing breakfast as a group the next morning, my best friend told him that he felt like an old friend.

In such a short span of time, I knew how right he was for me, how much we could make each other happy.  It's crazy, I know - but so are many of the best love stories.  Each day we spent talking, laughing, and settling into each other.  By the time Wednesday came, I was a total wreck - how could this great man just leave me life forever?  However, he changed his plans and stayed an extra night so that he could spend more time with me.  I was overjoyed.

The next morning, we sat in the car before leaving for the airport - we talked, I cried.  We teased each other, took pictures, and tried to cherish our last moments.  Life has been feeling pretty unfair, but I'm just so grateful that I got the time I did.  What if his friends had gone to another bar that night?  We actually came very close to never meeting each other.  To know that someone can make me feel like this is such a blessing, I now know to never settle for less.  However, I also know that it's rare - which is why I refuse to let go of him.  His travels have taken him to Alaska, and our texts and conversations have only reassured everything I knew I felt in those first 12 hours.  As for the future...who knows?

Life is magical, beautiful, & unexpected.

Rainfall

There's absolutely nothing to see here but I just woke up to the sound of rain - real rain. Nature has been teasing me lately; big, fat drops will land on me while walking home to my apartment but turn into nothing...but right now it's falling steadily and loudly.

As much as I adore summer, I have a penchant for moody skies full of clouds and the sound of a good rainfall. I'm excited to wake up tomorrow morning to a world full of clear air, puddles, and a bit of a nip in the air (I hope). 

It's worth losing a bit of sleep right now to savor this rarity 

Finishing Last

Some days, the guilt seeps in
Shame for a sadness I feel that I have not earned
I hold on to inferred rejections, faltering in my mission of independence
I allow my failings to burden me -
Instead of leaving each transgression as a lesson,
I repeat the undesirable behavior

I attempt to stave off the cycle
With blame to others
With an addiction to the flattery from sources outside of myself
Yet, a cycle is just that: an inevitable return
A pattern of highs and lows

When I hit the crest, I delude myself
I believe too many good things
Have an abundance of faith in my confidence
I have no need that is not met internally
My desire for your approval wanes until it is sated by self-satisfaction

After an inordinate amount of time in which you lack my affections
A welcomed disruption, you enter once more
And soon enough, I have lost myself again
Stumbling over the eschewals
And eventually falling from the radio silence
I am forced back to the start

My Journey

A lot of people ask me about how I lost the weight (15 pounds in the matter of a couple months, which I've been able to maintain for the last month and a half). The only honest answer I have to give is that you have to hate yourself enough. Something in you has to snap. I was a bit unhappy with my body for a long time, and there were moments that I would get emotional about my weight (it's not to say that I was ever really fat or even overweight - just not ideal or as trim as I used to be). For a while, I thought about it all the time. Being single, I of course thought about how men saw me. I thought about the way my slender, athletic family perceived me. I thought about how my clothes fit, about the impression I made in professional settings. In the end, I had a lot of motivating factors, but the only one that really mattered was my self-esteem, the body I wanted for the life I wanted. I didn't want to just drop some weight, I knew I wanted to change my entire lifestyle - my eating habits, my relationship with my body, my attitude about exercise...everything. I did it.

Making all these changes have affected me in so many greater ways. I have confidence from feeling more sure of myself. Being comfortable with my physical body was the beginning to an internal change as well. Ever since I left Sweden, I craved change. I felt like I had wasted a lot of time not fulfilling my potential, not working towards the kind of person I wanted to be. It's been such a journey, and I am proud of the progress I made. I genuinely like myself now. It sounds like such a simple thing, but for me it wasn't. I felt guilty and anxious about any behavior or choices that were not ideal. I concentrated on all my flaws and how they affected the people around me and my future. Now, it comes easy. I'm still my own worst critic, but I forgive myself more easily. I try to make every misstep into a lesson and focus on trying better tomorrow.

My patience has grown immensely. I always thought of myself as a loving person, but the past few years I found myself turning bitter. Instead of being accepting, I was quick to anger, quick to mistrust, quick to think the worst in people. I held on to any small negative comments made towards me (often they were neutral, and I skewed them into something terrible). I held grudges. I gossiped about people. Essentially, I was not a completely happy person but didn't want to take any responsibility - I took every opportunity to blame someone else for the things I felt.

I'm not going to pretend that I don't still have a long way to go - in life, in my relationship with myself, and in becoming a better person. Still, I must say that I am immensely proud of my ability to laugh at myself (something my family can still barely fathom that I am able to do). I no longer stress about things I can't control. Not only situations, but how other people interact with me. I've got to soak in the entire world, and decide to be happy. I give people the benefit of the doubt, and realize that everything is pretty much 100% less about me than I thought. People are rarely mean, dismissive, etc. because of something you are - they are reacting to their own reality. I am probably not even an after-thought, I am more than okay with that now.

I take in the opinions of the people I respect and love, but I make decisions on my own. I am only accountable to myself for my choices in life. I am trying to become a better daughter, a better sister, and a better friend. Tonight I had another sort of epiphany, something in me snapped again. I want to be better than I am and I'm going to try even harder at it. Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." However, I let people do this to me all the time. I let people make me feel invisible and worthless. Although I've gotten better at thinking "I'm awesome, and if you can't see that, then you don't deserve to be a part of my life," I often fall. I am weak to the dismissals of others.

I want to be a more loving person. I want to be kinder and more optimistic. I want to continue to make healthy decisions. I want to actively choose not to be high-strung and anxious. I want to be someone that I am proud of. I will no longer take time for granted, as every day is an opportunity to better than the day before.

All I really want is to be happy and do good. Cheers to a brighter life.

Tumblr

I've become that horrible kind of person that adds text to my photos and shares them with strangers.  Help.

It's Time

There's a hole in my heart that only a Nikon D7000 will fill.  With my tax refund in, I think it's time to pull the trigger.

Say Anything...is a real boy

a sunrise from this week

"I talk, therefore I am"

I feel like my life and I are in fluctuating states of mess and chaos. Some days, I wear this as a badge of honor - as it means that I am also in a constant state of change and newness (two things I'm not the best with). Other times (a great many of times), I wish I could skip to the part where I have most things figured out. The place where the opinions, words, or what I perceive to be how others feel about me, cannot sway me.

As for now, I've developed a new coping mechanism: angry (or angry-ish) music. It's probably not healthy, but for now it works. I'd rather choose to funnel any and all emotions to anger, which as a positive by-product, sometimes leads me to feel empowered. As I've mentioned in the past, I turn nearly every feeling into tears; stress, joy for others, insecurity, and rejection are all culprits. I'm tired of being that girl, one that gets so affected by others and situations I can't control.

I'd rather not believe that someone would make me feel upset in any way intentionally. Even if they did, it shouldn't be my problem either way. Though I know this logically, it doesn't always (or frequently) sink in.

As they say, "youth is wasted on the young." Unfortunately, I'm making this true in my own life. I find myself resenting my lack of life experience. I can't blame my age for much though, my inability to know when to shut up, my propensity to be self-absorbed, and many other faults are all my responsibility and cannot be blamed on my naïveté.

An almost love letter

My dear friend,

I know that you are broken, but I wish you could see that it's not all of who you are. In rare vulnerable moments, I see glimpses of the beautiful, loving person inside with so much to offer the world.

I don't think I can fix you, even if I would like to make it my responsibility. It's something that's got to come from within you. The thing is, it seems like you're stuck in this dark place but nothing is going to be different until you decide it is. You accept this life of disconnect, almost that you aren't deserving of something more. This entrapment you find yourself in is of your own design.

You are more than worthy, you can get back to every good thing you were before and grow into more. Be brave enough to refuse the pain people try to give you. Turn it into fuel, into strength, and break down the walls. Opening yourself up to feel is a scary thing. It brings the potential for hurt, but the hurt makes life real. Opening yourself also allows you the opportunity to receive good and beauty in your life, none of which you could recognize the worth of without the pain.

I know that none of this is my place to tell you. I know there isn't much I know about you and your life (you won't let me), but I care about you. It may not make sense, as is often the case with me, but when I let people into my heart even in the tiniest of ways, I can't help but feel love for them - especially when they don't want me to, especially when it's bad for me.

I'm not aiming to make personal gain from this, and I don't expect anything from you. All I want is for you to feel whole enough to share yourself with the world again because the world could always do with more beauty.

All of my love,

-H

Quite a view from the top

This little man brings a smile to my face every day

I'm not quite sure why this popped into my head, but today I had a thought: I am more whole than I am broken. I'm not certain of when this happened - for so long, my brokenness defined me. It skewed my perspective on myself and the world around me.

This isn't to say that I don't still have dark moments, days in which my fears and insecurities take center stage. The difference now is that I don't let them swallow me. I can always find a light to guide me out. Even when my plans fall apart, I have an unwritten future to hang on to. Although it may not feel like it, I've always got to believe that I have time to change it all, to change into the best version of myself (or at the very least a better one).

Everything in my life that falls outside of the ideal only serves to refocus me on all the blessings I have. It's easy to forget about all the people who truly love you and see all the good things you have to offer the world. I've spent so much time trying to love myself and to like the person I am right now - including all my flaws and the parts of me I'm trying to change. It's so easy to think of myself as a terrible, unworthy person instead of a good person who at times makes bad decisions and wrong choices.

Having faith in myself is a struggle, but I've finally reached a point where my whole life isn't about that struggle. I am able to live more presently, to see outside of myself. When I take stock of my life, I see all of my blessings. I am constantly in awe all of the good that I have been given and I wonder why me? Why do I have such a good life when so many others are so much worse off?

It's what has me believe that I'm meant for something great, I'm meant to do good. I'm perfectly comfortable living a small, boring life - but it is my responsibility to affect other people. Before I die, all I want is to change people's lives in a positive way and spread the wealth. I want to make people smile and to make them feel loved. It may be a small life, but one that I find worthy and full of dignity.

In this moment

In this moment, I feel very excited and grateful for the life I've built for myself.  I'm more blessed than I deserve, stronger than I previously believed, and have so far to go.

A New Year

my NYE outfit

Maybe I've been unaware in the past, but I feel that there's an unadulterated, raging enthusiasm about the new year, more than in years past.  People are making promises, resolutions, and getting excited about being better versions of themselves.  As I said in the past, I think January 1st is a bit of an arbitrary time to bring change in your life.  Although I can see how it feels natural, I also feel that it serves as an excuse to wait until that certain day to become the person you want to be (I'm far too impatient for that).

I made a few goals for myself in September, which I laid out on this blog.  I'm using the beginning of 2013 to reflect on said goals, and I think it's time to add a few.  Most of the things I set out to change, I have turned around entirely - though a few others are a bit more slow-going.  Instead of putting out strict guidelines for this year, I've decided to make vague resolutions.  I don't want to feel disappointed by deterring from rules I've set out for myself; I find that change made cold turkey is change that doesn't quite stick.  I'm looking to evolve myself at an intuitive pace.  Here goes:

1.  Make time for friends, especially when it feels inconvenient
2.  Continue to make healthy choices without depriving myself from moderate indulgences
3.  Take more pictures
4.  Visit LACMA more
5.  Believe in myself
6.  Read more books, especially classics
7.  Learn to be less high-strung, and to take what comes
8.  Complain less
9.   Slowly eliminate soda and fake sugars
10. Embark on some DIY projects (especially for the home)

A new year, but the same me - and I'm not even a little bit disheartened about it

Obituary Living

Have you ever thought about what you think people would say about you at your funeral? Or rather, what you would like them to? The list of accomplishments condensed into your obituary or the smells and places that people will experience and always think of you?

When I pass, I want people to remember me as many things: kind, dependable, family-oriented, a patient mother and loving wife. Sometimes I get even more specific, which I realize is entirely morbid, but I feel like it helps me with the present. It presents itself as an exercise to reveal my true goals and help me grow. For so long I kept waiting to turn into the person I wanted to be, but for the life of me I don't know what exactly I was waiting for. The time is now.

I sort of do this in the present as well, I wonder if any memories creep into the minds of men I've had some kind of flirtation with. I hope that the song on the radio makes him think of me and smile (because it does for me). These last few months, I've been bringing change in my life. I've been trying to be healthier, calmer, patient, less uptight (this is an especially difficult one). I've spent time trying to appreciate even the briefest of moments with people instead of concentrating on everything we turned out not to be. I can't blame myself when people don't feel the same about me, there is no fault to be given out. However, I can remember how he opened up my heart again, and made me feel that all was not lost - even if it was barely a blip on the radar in someone else's life, it doesn't have to mean the same for me.

I will look back on nights of laughter, kisses, candlelight, and easy conversation, and be happy for the experience. Not everything or everyone is meant to be a milestone. Not every experience is meant to be a lesson. I need to step back and live life instead of analyzing it to death. No more labeling people or putting my expectations on them, just living presently and making memories.

Cheers to a 2013 met with an open heart and mind, a little bit more wisdom, and a whole lot more confidence and spontaneity.

Thanksgiving

I have a slight issue with Thanksgiving: that we spend so much time focusing on our blessings on one day.  I've made an earnest effort to be grateful for the small and big things in my life every day.  It helps to skip over stressing over the small stuff.  Other than that...it's a time I love.  A time for family, for my favorite foods, a kick-off to Christmas, and best of all - time off of work!  This year, my parents hosted our holiday dinner so I spent the day getting in my mother's way in the kitchen.  I contributed creamed corn, pumpkin pie, and brussel sprouts to our dinner.  I can't wait to some day host my own Thanksgiving dinner.
In the chaos of things...I forgot to take pictures, but here's a few snapshots of the calm before the storm.

   

The honest thing

The honest thing --
A choice I never make with myself

Yet at any moment
Trivial confessions
Spill from my mouth
Like an invitation
Testing the waters

I lie to myself
Pretending my openness is a sign of strength
But it only leaves more opportunities for the salt to pour in

I hide my expectations behind a mask of nonchalance
My vulnerability is something I pretend to be blind to
Yet I whisper my heart to it before every good-night

I proclaim to prioritize sensibility and rationality
When I truly want to be lost in all that isn't black and white
But feels like the perfect fit

And so I remove my blinders
Throw away my maps and itineraries
And let life be --
In the face of certain broken paths and unfinished novels

Every hurricane was named for a girl like this

Generally, people only get to see a facet or two of my personality.  While I can get along with just about anyone, I can't truly let myself be all of me around everything.

I spend so much of my time apologizing for not fitting in the boxes people have made for me.  I'm can't neatly fit in the drawer you've labeled for me.  The only person who needs to approve of my decisions and my behavior is myself but I find myself feeling guilty for not being what people expect or want.  My momma has wondered aloud why I need and seek her approval, because if I were a grown adult, nobody's opinion would matter but my own - and I'm finally starting to get there.

That was a long, dramatic way to say that I've started listening to a whole lot of country music lately and I don't want to be ashamed of it any more (okay, it applies to a WHOLE lot more, but I find this amusing).  It's been my little secret (well except to people on my commute to/from work - I blast it with my windows down; that, combined with the fact that I'm a white girl driving a Prius with logos all over it makes all the people of Mid City stare at me as I drive by).

One artist that I can't stop listening to is Hunter Hayes - I adore and identify with nearly every song on his album.  I'm very lyrically-driven when it comes to music, which is why I find it to be such a personal and important component in my life.  He has written for Rascal Flatts, so even though he's quite the youngin', he's pretty talented.  He makes me kind of laugh with the truth in his songs "I'm a good slow dancer but you'd never know 'cause everybody's got somebody but me", and I definitely belt them out quite often...I'm often struck by words I identify with "I just want to drink from the words you say and be everything you need. I could so good at loving you but only if you told me to".  "Somebody's Heartbreak" was the song that got me to stop and really listen, and then get hooked on because I was like YEP, THAT'S ME.

"If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak

If you're gonna be somebody's mistake

If you're gonna be somebody's first time, somebody's last time,

baby be mine

If you're lookin' to be somebody's 'just friends,'

A little laughin', little lovin', never callin' again,

that's just fine

If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak...

Be mine

Oh, be mine"

"...oh I'll take my chances"

In the Middle

Lately I've been very happy over nothing in particular.  After spending so much of my life living in highs and lows, I've finally reached equilibrium.  I don't let small disappointments and frustrations sway me in quite the same way anymore, and I take great pleasure in the simple joys of life.  I take time to watch the sunrise, reflect on my blessings, and enjoy where I am in my life.

 

One thing that has brought me great happiness has been cooking - trying new recipes never ceases to delight me, although I do wish I had someone to share a meal with sometimes (really, I just want a big guy to come over and eat my mountains of left overs because I'm nearly out of tupperware).  I recently inherited my parent's old food processor and I can't remember the last time I was so excited about anything (I made pesto the first day I had it home).

 

I've also been enjoying my family.  On Sunday, I picked up my brother and we spent the day at Disneyland. We get along incredibly well considering our 9 year age gap (he's 15-years-old, and a sophomore in high school).  I obviously love my brother - but I must say, I quite like him too.  We pride ourselves on the fact that we're the funny ones in the family, and he had me laughing so much this weekend.  He's incredibly sensitive - but not overly so.  He's got a strong sense of justice.  He is thoughtful, caring, loving, and pretty witty.  He is musically-inclined (we may have been listening to and singing along with the Pitch Perfect soundtrack the entire car ride), creative, and athletic.  Nico is such a blessing in my life and I'm so proud of the man he's becoming.  I find his character to be a reflection of my parents, who I'm so grateful to have in my life.  I hope I can parent a child that possesses such great qualities.  I got pretty damn lucky when it comes to family.

I'm letting go of the thoughts that do not make me strong

Fitzgerald

This has been an incredibly perfect week.  A week filled with friendship, excitement, firsts, family, some really great music, and love.  Although I did go to some really great shows this week - I saw The Lumineers at the Fonda Theatre and Jason Mraz at the Hollywood Bowl, it wasn't the epic performances that have made me so happy.  I feel like I'm settling into myself - I feel very content with myself in all my imperfections.  I've really let go of the past, my regrets, my questions of "what-if", and I've been successful at being present without having to try so hard.  I've really been able to appreciate all my blessings, and the love I have in my life.  Simple joys have become my focus.  Cooking has been giving me great pleasure, music has spoken my heart, and I've been in love with the cool air in the evenings.

For so long, I've been forcing myself to start a new chapter in my life, and now it seems to be happening without trying, without expectations.  This past year has been one of change, lessons, and finding strength in myself.  I was planning out a blog post where I listed all the specific reasons I knew I was over my last relationship - but I don't feel the need.  I don't want to delve into the past; I've finally come to a place of acceptance.  The experience has defined me in so many ways, as it made it abundantly clear what I need and want in my relationships - not just romantic ones, but in my friendships too.  I don't have patience for relationships that aren't fulfilling and genuine - I want to surround myself with people who support me, and that I feel connected to, and want to give back to.  I just feel like I've been waiting to become the person I want to be and now I'm truly comfortable in my own skin.

While I still have goals and hopes for the future, I'm not expecting anything from anyone and I'm just letting life happen with an open heart.

Also - I want to introduce you to the new man in my life, pictured above.  His name is Fitzgerald (Fitz for short).  I hate cats as a general rule.  As a group, they are awful - indifferent, they stir up my allergies like crazy, and dogs are simply better.  However, I met this little guy and I was a total sucker - I invited him into my life, and he's been a total sweetheart.  We spent Sunday being lazy - snuggled up in bed, with him lying on my chest, buried in my robe.  How could I not feel content with life? (Baked fudge from scratch along with homemade whipped cream helped).

P.S. this is my personal theme song at the moment

"I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done, I let my past go past and now I'm having more fun.  I'm letting go of the thoughts that do not make me strong and I believe this way can be the same for everyone."

Find more of them

One of my favorite bloggers is Sarah from Anonymous Was A Woman.  You should really follow her on twitter because her feed is equal parts entertaining, relatable, and profound.  She posted a blog the other day with just this to say, which I loved:

There are people out there who will never, ever, ever give up on you. Find more of them.